Today is a stunning Sunday. The sky is clear, it’s a whopping 65 degrees and the sun is bright. The windows are open and you can hear faint echoes of our neighbors doing their chores on this cool day. The bunnies are in the backyard eating up the lettuce that we tossed and the turtle racing down the street to its home. Turtles waddle when they walk. Like toddlers attempting to run wearing diapers. To me, I smile every time. So cute to see those turtle butts waddling as fast as they can to their destination. The birds are chirping away as though it was a busy day and they are in need of some serious conversations. Maybe they are ranting about Politics or maybe the Football game? They could be chattering away about today’s Sermon at the Church or maybe complaining that Pinterest isn’t what it used to be. Nonetheless, nature is very active here and indeed I wonder what is REALLY happening. Some of our neighbors are raking, some are vacuuming their cars.
We did our errands and puttered around the house. Laundry is banging around in the dryer and I found a quarter heads up in the parking lot. As we wandered around the Home Depot, dreaming of all the things we would like to do, hoping and giggling at the birds flying overhead We felt a sense of joy radiating throughout our bodies. Indeed we might have lost our things and we might have very little but we still hang on to the last thread of hope. That inner tormentor of sorts…. that HOPE. It’s a nagging sensation that tugs at our souls and begs us to keep going. We might have lost our feeling of being loved but we have not lost our hope. Our will. Our tireless pursuit to better our lives and find the most in everything we can.
A dose of Perspective.
I breath it all in. The good, the bad and the indifferent. We have dealt with so much these last few years and we have lost so much. I am not going to lose this moment. This brilliant silence of peace, joy and love that fills our home. The stability, the openness, the safety and the progress. Today is a day that I step back and remind myself that in all things, I am growing. I am re entering this world as though I am being rebirthed. I have a new fondness for life that I might not otherwise have had if these experiences did not shape me into what I am today. I might not be so compassionate, so completely and utterly determined to help all those in need and not just one broken fragmented section of our world. Frankly, our world has become an overwhelming fractured globe of diminished hopes, dreams and relatively obsessed with fear.
But HOPE nags at me. Tugs at my soul. Knocks on my mind…
“maybe if I just do this…this will offer someone else HOPE….” My mind whispers back at the knock.
Chloe and I helped an older fella yesterday who has COPD and is unable to move much for lack of oxygen. We went to retrieve a couch and a chair and remove his old couches. Chloe is a lot less confident about her abilities and yesterdays lesson on inner strength proved to her that she has more than she believes. I took the brunt of the move and in doing so I too realized that I am a lot more powerful than I realized. The old sofa was a sofa bed and I certainly was not going to let that damn sofa beat me. With some grunts, groans and my version of swearing, that darned couch made it into the truck.
Yup. I beat it.
Although, today it looks as though I was severely beaten by a gang, I feel accomplished. The newer sofa was a luxury sofa for sure. It is the kind that reclined in 3 places. Indeed, that sofa was a heavy…S.O.B. But my fierceness and inner warrior was not going to let THAT one beat me especially after it fell with a hard crash on my foot. That was all I had left in my sweet soul. I pulled out my inner Sailor and Lord, I’ll be damned that sofa started to do as was expected. My Daughter grimaced with my vocabulary but was amazed as to how I was able to do as much as I did without much help.
I simply informed her that these are the moments that define you. The moment that you realize how much “women” you are and how to problem solve to ensure that you are not defeated. These are the times in your life that you become one with all of your ancestors and harness the greatness in your soul. So be it that the couch fell on my poor foot twice. I needed to prove to myself that I COULD and that in time, patience and thinking, I most certainly DID.
The inner strength was in the fact that I didn’t take a sledgehammer to it or even a match. I teared, regrouped and demonstrated who was; in fact in charge; without letting myself lose control. I most certainly could have given up and left that sofa in his yard and walked away.
Trust me, the thought did race across my mind a few times. I most certainly could have quit. However, what a shameful demonstration that would be to my daughter who is indeed training to be an Adult.
Ah, so once the sofa was in its proper place and I removed my sneakers to see the swelling and acknowledged my bruises, our fella handed me a glass of wine and we spent another hour resting and having intellectual pursuits of humanity, laughter and shared our views on politics, age, wine, medical care and our very own ways of pursuing our personal happiness. We ended in a hug, a job well done and of course as I limped my way into my home, I felt a sense of value that I was offered an opportunity to pay forward the love I have received, as the “under educated orphan” in the past and to someone who I have only met once.
A dose of perspective.
Let me breath in this moment and in my inner knowing, life really IS good. Even though I am battling my personal Goliaths, so are you and so is he. There are a ton of REALLY good people and if we work towards helping instead of hindering…..those fragments can heal and we can be truly the teachers to our children of what it means to be…..wonderful beings.
So, to all my Pay it Forward loves, keep on keeping on!
AND to those who havnt started to pay it forward… try it. Its WONDERFUL…..
Until next time……………….