I woke up with a great desire to remind myself of my purpose. I get so side tracked with other people’s intent to be malicious that I forget, at times, to stay on my course. A lesson I need to learn as I get busier doing what good I can in a world that only advertises the negatives. Some days, it’s like walking through a swamp of leeches, I take the bites and instead of getting angry, I pop them off and dismiss their presence.
My heart sinks as I see how hard this journey has been. Every time I turn around, we lose something or something is being threatened to be taken from us. Resources argue and demean me as I try to get help. Jobs are scarce and hard to find anything that fits into my mother’s schedule. Dr. Appointments and trying to maintain a healthy life is even harder as there is no time.
I edit when I can and write when I can. I work as much as I can, trying to dig out of this hole we are in. Purpose. What is my purpose?
I am honest, loyal and loving. I care so deeply and yet that seems to change my odds at ever making it through this storm. I wake up more often than not, with the feeling that there is no hope. The sinking feeling that there is No way through the thick of all of this.
I fear going to the mail box as there is always someone wanting something and wanting to disconnect us. I work at remaining positive and I work at feeling positive. Those who know me, can see through my struggled smiles. My eyes are beacons of emotions and my tone is the pathway to my heart. I am transparent. A blessing and curse. I know I cannot ever be a gambler as my game face is, well, nonexistent.
Stay on Purpose.
I know that all of these distractions will eventually mean nothing. Years from now I will read this and go, “You needed to have more faith in yourself.” But as for now, I hold my chin up above this swamp that I am swimming through and continue to focus on moving forward. I need to remove a few more obstacles and stay grounded in editing, writing and speaking. That is why this journey had to be experienced, felt and understood. I know that I need to share my story. I know that I am here to change the lives of people. I know that as for now, I need to work double time to keep a roof over our head. I will eventually do what I love full time but for now, I have to piece my love into the reality that is here. 2016 looks promising with many speaking engagements.
All the work that I am doing for The Documentary and all of the books that are being written will make this dream come true. I will become the wildly successful in helping others ease the pain of their journey. That is my purpose and so… here I am again on my Train of Purpose.
Until Next Time…………………