There have been times in my life that I literally lay, bleeding and soaked in my own tears. My chest so tight and my throat horse from the screams of the abuse I was victim too. I have crawled to bed and have dreamt of a time when the pain would just end. I have watched the world take everything away from me more than once and I have worked my ass off to rebuild my life more than once. I have held tightly to this fucked up roller coaster and at times begged to get off the ride. I secretly cry in the shower and have fallen to my knees wondering why. The eternal question we always ask when we simply don’t understand how and why we deserve whatever it is that is hurting us at the time.
I have lost so much and have, at times, wished that I could fill my car up and drive so far that the earth would end. BUT, there has been this part of me, a delightful and a sweet part that has tugged at my soul. Knocking ever so loud and its cause me to hold onto the hope that there are good people in this world and that dreams really do come true. Maybe its my guardian angel or my ancestors. Maybe, God. Maybe its some faint memory from a time that everything was good and I was loved without conditions. I am unsure but the knocking is from a familiar hand and pushes me forward.
I have held onto this hope which allowed me to get through this life with some integrity. So, I keep up the fight knowing that somehow, someday I will rest in joy and peace. I stay honest and stay true to my beliefs that honesty is really best policy. I refuse to lower myself to the level that deceit is the only way to act as a human on this earth. I recently worked for a company that was very dishonest. I am often shocked at how this world functions with so much deceit. I find it amusing that those who are dishonest will act as though their actions are of an honest person. I watched a person lie, under oath more than 57 times and have been told that the courts accept it as is. I could have gathered proofs and pursued but that would have changed my integrity. I would then be out to “prove the wrongs of this person” versus accepting that sometimes, the Karma Bus is late arriving but always arrives.
I have found that at my weakest times, I am more beautiful and courageous then I had ever thought. I have also found that no matter what I will NOT see anyone as a bad person, unless evidence proves so. I have no desire to judge anyone and I simply refuse to add to this dysfunctional world with the questioning of a persons intentions. I refuse to belittle, demean or assume that I know a person or who they really are. I refuse to think that this world is corrupt and that everyone is out to “get another”. I will not refuse a beggar nor will I walk away from you when you need a hug. I wont offer conditional love and I don’t want to be loved conditionally. I don’t care your religious beliefs nor do I really care about your sexuality. I DO care what YOU do in servitude. I care what YOU do in kindness and as a community member. I don’t care what your voter card says or what race you are.
I care about what you do for your people, your community, your family and for yourself.
How do you lead them?
Until next time…………………