Its morning. Today is another day in court. How many times do I have to do this? I grunt as I reluctantly turn over to hit the snooze on my phone for the 3rd time. Its cold. The warmth of my blanket cocoon is filling my head with the fantasy that I will not go in. The alarm sounds off again and the realization hits that I no longer have a choice but to get up. Its Cold. It is always cold to me here in New England. My friends and family will once again not be able to attend as they are just too far away.
Court, alone again.
My few local friends are too busy or have a misconception that my pursuit is to “take a child from her father.” I sit up in bed. My thoughts are loud today and frankly, I wish my brain would just shut up. This political misconception stirs annoyance in my head. I wonder if there was ever a time when people who have this misconception offer any integrity to the father? In all reality, its the father who needs to be part of the child life and if that means its better for the child’s welfare to be miles away, the father needs to consider how to make it work instead of thinking of self. I really think that this misconception is encouraging parents to continue to be obstinate, abusive and well, lazy. Its the parent who is to be selfless and offering a future to their child. Not to condemn and prevent the child from happiness.
Sigh. To me, this whole process could have been avoided if he wasn’t angry and my daughter wouldn’t be depressed if he could be there for her instead of fighting me on everything. His actions are painful and purposeful. A parent should be held accountable for their actions but it seems as this court just encourages him to continue to be obstinate and abusive. There has been no accountability for any of his actions, even when he slapped her and only Chloe and I suffer. In 2015, it is very clear to me that the majority feel that refusal to co parent is warranted and a new norm.
My feet finally hit the floor and the overwhelming desire to have a cup of coffee fills my senses and causes me to motivate a little faster to the kitchen. The kitchen floor is freezing and I only have one KCup. Oh boy. The coffee machine makes its thunks and coffee is released as I listen to Chloe rustle and grunt her good mornings. Bella is meowing which is a very odd as she is a dog. She is seemingly confused as to her species. Chloe begins to complain about her father and her school and her desire to go back to bed.
Yes, bed. A nice safe place to be.
I drift back into my thoughts and wonder how much of her complaining is normal, real and I laugh at the ridiculousness of our situation. This battle that he wants to be in perpetually is only ruining his opportunity to raise Chloe Cohesively. His threats, actions and accusations only adds further distance from me as I now refuse to be in the same room with him to avoid the insults and childish behavior he offers me. He is not focusing on being a parent and developing the bond that the courts required him to develop with her. He ridicules her and informs her that she has no choice with him. That he is her father and she is to do as she is told. This action of course pushes her further away and is doing nothing towards offering a healthy relationship with her. In time, Chloe wont have to abide by his demands and will be able to do as she chooses. So, really what is all this fighting about? This time is precious and should be about watching her grow into the amazing person she is becoming. In spite of all the drama that he has caused, Chloe has turned out to be a wonderful and caring young lady.
I was never a good wife or a perfect girlfriend. I, like so many others, am deeply flawed. I am radically human and have gypsy spirit. I love deeply and am emotional. I feel that everyone is good and I end up getting used. I snore like a chain saw and I dream the biggest dreams. I laugh like a donkey and as my mentor David says, I am way too honest for my own good. I walk funny in heels and I want to save the world. I have faith in this human existence and have zero faith in the courts. I find that every time I walk into that court room, I am reminded of the man who raped me at the age of 2 and again at 3.
The shower knob is cold and I turn it with a heavy heart. I only use the hot setting now as we have been through so much that I want to make sure I can still feel something. My skin turns bright pink and the nerves begin to tingle. I feel relief that my body still feels something. I feel another piece of my heart snap and float down the drain. God. Another day in court for no reason other then just to fight. He knows what he has done and he knows that he is wrong. As I wash my hair, I am reminded how much this court is like the man who raped me. Taking everything from me.
This court has put words in my mouth, accused me of things I have never done, its over looked evidence and has even told me how I feel. This court has asked me time and time again to just lay down and take it.
Yes, I have the same feelings of shame that I did when I was being raped. I am reminded how I should have left. How I made the ultimate sacrifice by staying in a loveless sham. How I allowed the years of being told I wasn’t good enough, that I failed everything and how miserable his life is with me in it. I tried to make it work. I make sure the kids would have both parents in the same house, even if the last 5 years, I slept in a different room than him. The names he uses about me are just names. I have to repeatedly remind myself that they are names and not dimensions of truth or my personality. (end excerpt)
‘In Pride & Prejudice: A Relocation nightmare’ is written with the intent to change laws, open the eyes of our law makers, voters and request scrutiny against those who indemnify and use the law as a weapon rather than a much needed tool. This book was NOT in intention to cause slander or malice. This is my view and how I feel about the nightmare that I have been forced to live over the last few years.
The names, dates and general places have changed to reduce that. I am hoping that my story will inspire change and offer hope to those of us who have lost faith in the system. At the very least, I hope that people will begin thinking about WHO and how they vote. If you don’t vote, you are part of the overwhelming problem in this country.
No Vote, No Voice.
I am exercising my rights to free speech and have edited the transcripts for readability, removing excess items like ums…redundancy’s and so forth. I did NOT include all 7 +hours of transcripts as that would just be too much and would not offer the reader anything more to review. I did keep the important parts of which I question and will point out my unethical treatment along the way.****************
Until next time…….