The last few weeks have been simply….. weird.
It’s been quiet, things are going our way, and we are finally able to get back on our feet. We are now in this transitional, fluid, healing place and frankly, its uncomfortable at times. My body has been programmed to expect the worse. I expect the worse from people. I have been drained too many times expecting that there are actually good people out there. I have managed to realize that I have attracted those folks who like to say that they are “helping” someone get on their feet. However, their actions are very much otherwise. You know that ones I am talking about. They tilt their head in dripping concern and make the statement, “Well, I did my best. They just can’t be helped.” or along those lines.
Chloe is doing SUPER well. She has 3 High School Credited classes this year. That means 3 classes she won’t need to take when in High school. I simply love how well she is doing and how she is thriving. Since we have been back, she has been ear to ear grins. She has slept like a normal teen but she hasn’t been down. I think the pressure of the courts and the dad drama ending has done a lot for both of us. I am even shedding my stress weight. Darn Cortisol and Adrenal issues.
Today, I had two job interviews and got both jobs. Now, what do I do with 4 jobs? I work far too much. One day my speaking career will take off and I will only have that to do. But that is not today, and I am behind on my bills. So, 4 jobs it is. I feel lighter in my steps and though I still dont sleep well, I feel healthier. This whole process taught me a lot about myself. A lot about the folks I included in my life. The innocence I once had. The walls that replaced my innocence.
I have, in the end, succeeded on levels I didn’t even expect and now, we wait. We heal. We live. Chloe’s grins and having a house full of children again fills my soul with such happiness. We are going to finally have a good year and we will finally have the relationships we deserve. Not ones that take but ones that reciprocate. The key is not to let those damn voices continue to echo. You know what I am talking about. The ones that remind you of your failures. Your inabilities. Your unworthiness. The words hollow out your insides and remind you of what has passed. After years of Narcissistic abuse, those words still float around in between our ears. I ended up working temporarily for a wonderful restaurant but had to leave as the manager was a Narcissist. I refuse to do the drama or bog myself down with soul suckers. I am far too strong for those who are that weak minded. Another sign of success!
We are well on our way and as of today, I have begun my new Chapter. I have my power-ball tickets, my cocktail, and my determination to move forward with happiness, joy, prosperity and new found strength. Chloe is the happiest I have seen her in a long time and we know that no matter what, we will make it. Yes, I am confident that things will happen. I just don’t care anymore. I don’t have attachments to worry about these things. We have hit rock bottom and we know what that feels like. The only way is up. I start my radio show as soon as I figured out my new work schedule. I start writing again and speaking again. Tour dates are being set up.
No one can stop us.
We got our power back and that my dears is one large GRIN.
Until next time……