“Matthew 6:9–13 (ESV) “Pray then like this: ‘Our Father in heaven, hallowed be your name. Your kingdom come, your will be done, on earth as it is in heaven. Give us this day our daily bread, and forgive us our debts, as we also have forgiven our debtors. And lead us not into temptation, but deliver us from evil.”
As far as weeks go, it’s been relatively good. I am up for a raise (go me!), I have had a few more job offers, I have completed my book “In Pride & Prejudice: A Relocation Nightmare” and it’s going to print early Oct. I am in more of a playful mood than I have been and I am writing in a more humorous way, albeit some dont see my humor…at all. But when I write, I write in sarcasm mostly with a dash of perspective from hurt, trauma or just plan ol, good ol fashion PISSED off feelings.
We are looking forward to Halloween, my personal favorite holiday and we are getting the house together with the little time that we have in our busy schedule. I have contacted every news channel, paper and radio to announce my story is ready to be shared and I have my hearing to obtain a final restraining order on my ex in a few days. Of course: we will have to go to New Hampshire at some point to have a hearing on what his lawyer claims is “Parental Kidnapping” and yet all the evidence shows it’s not. That will be a hell of a good time. (choke) I have to miss work to be slandered in court again. I have T Shirts that are being printed for those who are going to support Chloe and I in Court.
Yay, another day in court! (said in full sarcasm)
However, sticking to the positives, Chloe is doing extremely well in school, she is healthier than she was and she seems to be allowing herself to have some fun. This is all a 180 degrees from where we were at in New Hampshire. The bank sold my mortgage to another bank and I am working to get that issue resolved to reduce the stress in our lives. It’s been disheartening to know that we may face foreclosure when I am just starting to get back on my feet after living in hell the last 3 years. However, I am going to just let it be what it’s going to be as I have no choice.
The reality of our situation is that I am juggling angry wet cats and frankly, I need to stop juggling. I need to let each down and walk away. My daughter has lost part of her innocents when her father rages and informs everyone how he is going to kill her mother. The moments when he informs her that if her mother doesn’t play by his rules, she won’t get what she needs or wants. All of this has been documented and all of it is deeply sad BUT I have to say, it’s only a matter of time. The truth always comes out and frankly I am focused on Chloe, Bella and myself. My main focus is my health. My health needs to be a priority right now as a Dead mother is not a fun mother. There would be No prom fun, no dating advice, just stench. Pure rotten dead flesh stench.
Yup. Let’s not be a dead mom. Although I do think I would be a terrific ghost.
“Oh, you are yelling at my kid? Ok, let’s see how you like flying dishes…”
I have already written my list of who I will be haunting if I die early. Yup. Ill be a heck of a ghost.
(Ok, back to reality and being a little more serious)
In order to be the best version of me, I need to have my surgeries, heal and get my daughter in a safe place. It’s just a shame that it has to be a constant fight and battle. I would love to hear “Hey, can I help? What does Chloe need.” Instead I get threats, rage and accused of things that are not even remotely on this planet. I guess for some people, it’s much easier to RAGE then to co parent. How in the hell did I stay with such a person for so long? Man. I need to heal from those wounds too. I can cognitively understand the reasons and the thinking that kept me in that position and life for so long. Emotionally, I feel as though I carry a lot of guilt for staying, though my mind says it was the right reasoning and my heart says it was stupid. Then my ego enters and well, we all know how that can go.
Otherwise, it’s been a terrific week. Chloe is so happi, Bella is just super silly chasing all the rabbits in the yard and well, I am finally able to take a full breath and say “It’s going to be ok. Really. “No matter what the clock is against him and frankly, we are working towards bettering our lives. I have no desire to change that and no desire to bend over and cower anymore to all the threats that I get. I can honestly say at this point in our lives, we are looking to heal, grow and be happi. Even if that means there is a slight detour in our grand plan.
I just know it and what comes, comes and when that Karma bus comes…
oh, I cant wait to make popcorn….
Until next time……………….