I have gone through a lot of things in my life. I have been through some pretty drastic “storms” and I am learning so much about myself and about others. I have learned that trust is something that is easily broken. I have learned that no matter how much you dedicate yourself to a company, at the end of the day, it’s all about the politics. I have learned that a person will NOT change after 20 years of perpetual abusing others AND that the laws in this state are lacking reality.
I have learned that science is amazing and at the end of the day, when you are in the worse place in your life, who is truly there for you. Science and practicality cannot save me from this reality. I have learned what family I have and what friends I don’t. I have learned that my loyalty is genuine and gets tested frequently. I have learned to become stronger in saying no and more open to saying yes. I have learned to ask for help and by no means does it feel good. I just know now I need too. I have learned that I cannot do it alone and have to be careful who I ask to help. I have learned that certain people in my life preached of being unconditional and yet, showed no mercy when their required conditions were not met.
I have learned that I am a sensitive soul and am emotional. I cry at the little of things. I feel so deeply and can be overwhelmed with the cruelty of humans. I cannot understand why hurting others is such a huge part of our society and I don’t understand why most people have such apathy that they encourage this behavior by default.
I am not sure Ill ever understand folks who demonize others for their gender, race or sexuality and I am pretty sure I will never understand Men who purposely abuse women and children. I have lived in abusive relationship for more than 20 years and I can tell you, it’s hard to un-train yourself from constant WAR ZONE to a place of security and peace. In my case, he keeps coming at us and I can not get help or get him help as I am told he has the right to continue his abuses. I wonder if anyone else feels like they have nowhere to hide or to be free?
I have learned that it’s a lot safer not to share your story as no one can hurt you. Then I have learned that in order for me to be brave and heal, I need to share my story as I know I am not alone. I go through ridicule and am told many things about myself as I share. However, I am also told how much my sharing encourages others to be brave and change their lives.
I have learned that for the most part, humans are skeptical and have learned to react as though everything is a deception. I have learned that we are living as a society off of fear AND we market to encourage fear, hate and sadness. Look at our latest election. I have learned that no one on this planet is perfect and I have also learned that most humans have good intentions. I have learned that a hug speaks volumes as to what a person’s soul is really like and I have also learned how quickly someone will hurt you.
I have learned that as the rivers flow, so do human emotions. Sometimes, the storms will rage on and others it will be calm. Either way, there is a cause and effect and in that, we are touching the lives of others. Whether we realize it or not. We are setting an example as to how we want to be in this world and how this world is seen by our perceptions.
Right or wrong.
I have learned the value of snuggles and the depth of laughter. I have learned that my desire to change myself has overflowed into helping others change. I have learned that I am a catalyst and as I break through my cocoon, I am learning to love again. I am learning to feel safe again. I am learning to want the joys of others in my life again.
I am healing.
Until next time…………………