I haven’t written in a while as I felt that what I have been writing seems to becoming repetitive. The same story over and over. I also have a lot on my plate right now and seemingly have neglected my writing. I enjoy being able to say what’s rattling around in my mental labyrinth and for me it allows me a positive method of coping, healing and otherwise evolving into a better version of me. We are all in need of improvement and we are all in need to learn how to better honor our journeys. So, Ill update you with our NEW story.
Chloe is doing exceptional well even through the consist issues we are dealing with in our court life. She has a 3.5 GPA and recently won another art scholarship. That kid is going places! I am so proud of her and her ability to stay focused even through this storm. Yes, its passing but not as fast as we had hoped.
I suppose it’s nice to set back and just let things be. There is a natural course that Fire Dragons like me, try to reroute. I know that in order for us to finalize our situation, a steady hand is how we will succeed but my energy level is challenged in staying steady. I want to race through it and I am well aware that I can not.
So, breath, pace and sit.
I am learning a lot about Fear and how its hindered our progress over the last few years. It’s very much like a drug. As I charter our new story, I remain calm and find solace in that we are surrounded by people who love us. We are certainly in uncharted waters but I am clear that navigating will be slow and steady. I wish the best for those who still throw stones at our ship. I only hope that eventually they will get the help they need before it’s too late. They are delightful little monsters that seem so deeply unhappi in their own lives that meddling in ours seems to be an obsessive need.
There have been so many doors opened to us, so much love and so much joy. I can’t not be more grateful. How this is all happening is out of my control. The good and the bad parts. I think maybe since I am really focused on the good, there is clearly more good to be had and I don’t connect to the bad. I have no emotion other than forgiveness. That was the most powerful discovery yet. That I am actually in peace. I am sleeping, losing weight, dreaming and enjoying our life. The constant chattering in my head, the worry, the fear, the sadness?
I think after all that Chloe and I have been forced to endure, it offered us a strength to keep going. The harder the little monsters fight, the calmer we are becoming. Its only time for this all to end and rightly so. It’s been nothing but turmoil for years. We are enjoying life as its meant to be lived. We are enjoying opportunities as they are meant to be had and we are enjoying the peace not having to live in complete fear.
Now, I let it go. Sit back and cruise….