As we continue this journey, I learn more and more about my strengths. My Weakness. My needs and my wants. I have learned over the last 12 years, that I cannot handle violence, anger or hate. My soul has this void of understanding how we can cause such suffering. I am unclear how to be so deeply empty in myself that I could have the ability to hurt someone. I just don’t have the DNA for that. As a person who has been severally abused and still suffers from verbal and emotional abuse, I don’t understand the people who inflict these pains on others. I would never want to intentionally inflict harm on anyone. I see everyone has delicate souls who need love and nurture. Not violence. Not control.
I watch how folks pit each other against a race, gender or belief I see the hurt in the eyes of those most effected. I see the confusion and I can hear the hearts break. I watch the parents reel in anger, disappointment and sorrow. I watch the children become torn apart by the constant fear of pending suffering. Even in my own home, my daughter falls inconsolable over her father’s actions. She just wants to be assured that she is more important than his hate against me. That his anger is second to her. I am not confident that he will ever change his ways and I see her hurting because of it. I can’t understand why it’s this way, but sometimes the Universe tells you the whys after the testing.
BUT I still FORGIVE. I will not give allowance to continue but forgive him as my daughter needs to see that everyone can be forgiven. I am not angry anymore. I do grieve as we have suffered too long and lost too much. But again, the Universe will present another Why after this course, I suspect. I am confident that the wounds will heal and frankly Chloe and I are doing so much better now. I couldn’t be more grateful. We are Healing from this is a process and from the pain inflicted. I don’t think will be over night but being aware and knowing that we are healing is beautiful.
I watch very little of the news as that is the best way to become depressed. We have become so deeply engrossed in “Alternative Facts” and less caring about what the consequences of the actions are. We, as a species have caused more death and destruction on this planet than I believe ANY other species has. All for what? Control? Money? Power?
If we spent 1/3rd of this energy on helping others we would no longer need TV. We would have compassion and love for each other and that’s what is needed. Wars, Government hostility’s, sexism, racism, rape, abuse………all a useless waste of energy. Those are certainly not Gods wishes or the Universe’s. That’s a man made thing and strictly used by “man” to divert us from being in full bloom.
Prevent us from being in Full love.
No one will take these actions with us as we are all going to end up in the same place. We will all leave this planet maybe as quickly as we came in. We all leave without race, gender, sexuality, and I truly believe we all leave our hurt behind too. Do we really want to spend our lives creating a miserable LIFE? I refuse to be that person. Life is far too short to not breath in the feeling of being awake. It’s wonderful to breath in the sky’s clarity and beauty. The sunsets and sunrises need a few minutes to view. Walking a little slower can help. REALLY Listening and I mean intently to the sounds around you offers help. These actions can help you become more aware of just being. It’s amazing and can be difficult but please put some trust in my learning. I have become much clearer as to where I am going and what I am in need of, since following these practices. I am learning to fear less. That has been very difficult since I have been living in fear for many, many years. I am learning to say yes and I am learning to trust more. I am learning to have a little more faith. I am truly amazed as to what has transpired in our short time here. We are truly loved and supported by some very amazing people. And yes, it’s hard for me to trust that they do. But I am learning to allow more.
I am learning that I can receive as easily as I can give. We are finally on the path we need to be on to have a bright future. I can tell you personally, once you hit rock bottom, there is nowhere else but up and there is nothing more anyone can do to hurt you. It’s not that I am overly positive it’s that I know there is nothing left to lose and we are in a space where I can forgive and still not allow others to hurt us.
Boy, has it been a journey. I’ll keep one foot in front of the other and I’ll still stay positive-focused that this journey is ending. I am not naïve to believe that another journey will not be arriving the very instant this one ends. I am holding onto my belief that the next journey will be a journey of love, peace and abundance. I am here for a reason as we all are and I will take smaller steps, breath deeper and hug tighter as I find this world to be as precious as my beautiful daughter. She is the light of my life and I am so proud to be her mother.
I am so grateful she chose me.