There is a morose feel to the air as we sit and wait for Fate to tell us our future. Chloe and I have been forced to live in Limbo for almost 5 years, in constant battle with her father; as his will for our betterment is far opposite of our knowing what we need. What we know is the Constitution does not apply to us and what we know is common sense seems to be amiss in our great system.
There is a tug to our souls that fills us with a sadness, like a funeral would offer. We fight tears back by focusing on our art, our reading, our inner growth and our music. We make jokes, laugh and tell each other we love each other as we certainly know how fragile we are. I am fighting two Goliaths currently and still maintaining a stable home for my daughter. Her grades are at an all time high and her will is stronger. I have two swords in hand and a laundry basket filled with chores, normalcy, a crock pot filled with yumminess and homework duties. I work full time, write as much as I can, and still find the best solutions for my daughter’s needs. Above my own. Recently, she was accepted on the swim team with a desperately needed scholarship to make this happen. Her joy radiates with each stroke and butterfly kick in the pool. Her weight is melting and her heart is expanding. Her friends, who are also on the team, encourage and support her love for swimming, cheering her on and coaching her to succeed.
The simple needs and joys of a Single Mother trying to get back on her feet.
The Bank Goliath is hitting us hard, as I fight and ask for help, I seemingly get ignored. I have even taking our story to the Media and to the Government asking for help. Only to be taunted by the inability to win in court years ago that would have prevented so much pain, sorrow and agony.The community here has been incredibly supportive, our friends and family are writing letters to the Goliath in hopes that with enough plea’s we will be given a “pardon”. But like this past election, anything can happen and frankly, my trust level is at an all time low. There is an overwhelmingly majority of folks who seem to just want to hurt others and be greedy. So, how am I to fight the Bank Goliath? I am not sure I have any more in me to fight. But I am not one to lie down either.
Exhausting to be torn apart.
Soon the holidays will be here and I have nothing but a somber attitude towards them. I am the holiday fairy or rather was. My love for gathering and making terrific food is slowly coming back. As I said Slowly and the holidays are moving much faster than our healing. The hopes that we are finally able to stabilize is a faint tickle on the back of my neck. The Custody Goliath is just as large and has cost us so much. For reasons I am only able to emotionally offer as revenge for leaving.
As you have heard me say time in and time out the Family Courts care little for the children, only that they are property to be divided into two and stretched to limits that are inhuman and inhumane. This Goliath is a stark and painful flashback of childhood abuse and how I have no choice but to lie there and take it. I must Silence my pleas for help and allow everything to dissolve around us. Leaving us alone, in the dark. Naked. It truly has been a long journey that has hardened me. The little sweetness that I had has grown into skepticism and my broken heart that has been mended more than a hundred times, has so many fractures, I fear my love will leak and never return.
As I continue to walk in a hot frying pan with my vaseline slippers, please know that this feeling of Morouse is temporary and that at anytime things will change. Any moment a miracle, small or large will adjust the altitude in which your attitude will rest. THAT is what it means to be human. THAT is what it means to grow. The knowing that this too shall pass and what is, is and what will be, will be……. is the very strength that many harnessed to get through their hard times.
And now so do we…….
Until next time……………………