Sometimes, even in the worst situation, there is a “lite of inspiration” that would otherwise never happen IF you did not have the experience of pain. Sometimes, the abusive relationship is needed to further your journey and to give you the strength you never knew you had. Sometimes, you can be inspired by the darkness and the suffering. Sometimes, the only way to heal is to walk away from everything in order to get rid of ALL resistance.
As I write my story, I learn more about my personal strength and perseverance. I know that even though there have been times when I just wanted to lay on the road in the middle of traffic as I had no more faith in my ability to take one more step. I have fallen on the ground a few times asking God why I am so hated? I have had to hug myself as I have never felt loved. I have had to crawl out of bed, just to start my day as the deep hurting stopped my joy. I stayed in a destructive relationship as I felt that is all I deserved. I sat alone having chemo treatments after learning that I was pregnant with my son who was no longer alive and his body was killing me. The crushing blow of learning that I had a son and was dyeing at the same time completely disabled me. It took days before I could stop crying. It took days for me to get out of bed and even now, the echoes of hurt ping in my soul. I think that for the most part; I write to heal my wounds. To remind myself of my self-worth and to look in the mirror and say Hey, you! You are amazing.
I have learned a lot about my nativity, my heart and my expectations on life. I have learned that Justice no longer exists and the only people who actually win court cases are the ones with the most money. Truth and Evidence is a farce. I have learned the Devil is really my thoughts and how I allow fear to consume my decision making. I have made the choice to ALLOW the pain to be my focus and I have allowed DEBT to strangle my voice. I have also allowed myself to believe in things that may have never been true in the first place, like my thinking that Justice existed. Maybe it never has and maybe I had an expectation that was based off of false thinking.
I purposely sit back ever month and replay all that I have become from all that has happened. I sit back and see where I was and where I am. I know that in the last 3 years of suffering and being in an environment that lacked stability and support has offered me a strength and a determination that is clear. I now have a spine. I am authentic and I am sticking to my goals. I will stick to publishing my books, telling my story and working on changing the lives of women and children everywhere. I released myself from feeling like a victim so that I can rise up and shine.
“Many people die at 25, but are buried at 65.” Les Brown
I choose to change our lives and to stand my ground with my dreams. I choose to rise up every morning and fight through the adversity, the pain that certain people cause. I am choosing to not allow those people to keep hurting us. I am making powerful choices to attract like-minded people, abundance and to attract the very best life possible. I choose to share my life with you as I hope that you are able to find inspiration, hope and strength to continue on your path. I forgive those who have hurt us and in that process of forgiveness, Chloe and I are FREE from that burden. Chloe and I deserve to feel good, loved, supported and cherished. That is our birthright and frankly we are worthy of Love.
Thank you Life’s journey for giving me the experience’s I needed to learn all of this.
Self-love is hard and in the beginning its very uncomfortable as I have never had an example of what love is or look likes or even feels like. So, in the process of learning to love myself, I have to learn to TRUST myself. I have to learn how to trust myself but also had to learn how to SPEAK in my truth to myself.
Not fear based.
I need to fully love me in order to raise my amazing daughter the right way and show her how to love. How to stand in her voice and in her own truth. I want my daughter to know that she can trust herself, love herself and feel secure that she is a GREAT person on this planet.
I choose to live in Love and Truth.
Until next time………………………
To Book Rustie: www.rustiemacdonald.com
Send her Mail:
Living & Thriving with Rustie
1811 Englewood RD #8
Englewood FL 34223