Change is Constant & Fear can be too

2010-05-19-gratitudepic

 

I have to tell you that I am truly enjoying this new “place” in my life. I have grown in so many ways and although my growing pains have hurt, I have learned so much more about me than I ever expected. I am at a new level in my life, a new phase, a new place and respecting the journey. I have purged things, people and emotions that I really no longer need. I have stayed true to me, humbly and honestly. I have broken down and put my pieces back together. I have laughed, cried and pressed on.

 

This journey has been intense, creative and so damn humbling.

As I drove to the New Hampshire Supreme Court last week, I trembled. Tears filled the corners of my eyes and felt so afraid that I made a mistake. My fears where that I didn’t word things correctly and that I don’t know how to “bind” the documents correctly. I was afraid that I once again FAILED myself and my daughter. I mustered a 55 page document to argue the relocation issue. I also filed for 2 more actions against this party. After almost turning around, I realized that in the long run-even if I didn’t bind the docs correctly, I did NOT fail. I acted on my legal rights and I made an attempt that-frankly- was daunting.  If I did not pursue this to the very end, that would have truly been the failure. I have put EVERYTHING and every ounce of money into this relocation.

Hell! I wont give up because of my damn fears.

NH Supreme Court

NH Supreme Court

So, I turned up the tunes, sang my huge heart out, wiped off the tears and put the gas peddle to the floor. Its over an hour drive and it was pouring rain. BUT I did NOT let my fears drive. I got to the courthouse 5 minutes before my radio show. Hosted my show and walked right up to this tinier then I imagined building, ready to handle whatever news I would get inside this place that will decide our fate.

 

I went up to the clerk, who by the way was so helpful and sweet, only to find out all that CRAP in my head was ooooooooooh so wrong. I just needed to clip the documents and make 9 copies for her. Binding? That’s Phase 2, if my case is accepted.  Or dare I say WHEN my case is accepted. (Positivity is good.)

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What I learned about myself that day is that I have a tremendous amount of strength, courage and determination. I am strongest when I am weak and my vulnerability is a feature I am really starting to embrace.  I have realized that in all of this, I truly have nothing to lose. So far, even in almost bankruptcy, I have gained MORE than I ever could have imagined. I have grown. Money comes and goes,  some people do to. BUT learning to value the lesson versus letting the lesson destroy you is the key to any trying situation. I will still have my love for life, you and my work.

 

I will fail. I will succeed. I will get rained on and I will embrace the sun when it shines on me.

For this is LIFE!!

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