How do we achieve this feeling of freedom? What does it actually mean to forgive? Someone recently reminded me that there is a misunderstanding with the word Forgiveness. To forgive doesn’t mean you still allow those people to hurt you. Forgiveness means that you have released yourself from holding their power over you. Forgiveness simply means that you no longer allow that person or persons to rent any space in your body!
I have forgiven many people in my life. It was hard, but had to be done as I know that my Happiness and my future depend greatly on not harboring those ugly feelings inside of me. I have forgiven:
My birth Parents.
My adoptive Parents.
My Ex Husband.
My Step Daughter.
My Ex In-Laws.
My Ex Boyfriend.
It was a tough process to forgive the pains. It was harder to relive all the hurts that each one of these people gave me.
The name calling.
The mental abuses.
The physical abuse.
The multiple abandonment.
I had to experience the raw emotions and relive the stories that where hiding in my “Emotional Quagmire” © The anger, the confusion, the loneliness, the sadness and tears had to be felt one last time. I wrote it all down and burnt it. The experience of letting it go and moving forward is AWESOME and so relieving.
I have found that some people confuse forgiveness for allowing the behavior to continue OR they use the word “Forgiveness” as to bait more drama and tether the other person in again. In the case of my ex-husband, that is very much what happens, often. He recently decided that he was not going to drop my daughter off at the agreed time which caused her to miss her party with her friends. The courts had allowed him to do this before, which allows him to continues the behavior. The old me would have sent a million emails and voice mails. The forgiving me will just file with the courts and move on. I wont let his actions ruin my day, as that was the intention, I believe. I wont garner any argument or tie myself to the time sucking false accusations, drama and “fighting” that has already sucked up 18 years of my precious life. I will just do what I can do to protect us from future assaults.
Forgiveness is letting the persons actions go but not allowing them to continue the behaviors.!!
In my circumstance, I have either removed these people from my life or limited their contact with me so I don’t have to continue with the onslaught of whatever it was they did to upset my otherwise Happi life. Life is too short to harbor those feelings BUT you need to hold on until they are no longer serving you. I get that! Those feelings offer false protection from the fears that Anger & Resentment create. Its not unusual to still love this person or persons. I am not saying that at all. I am saying gain control of yourself and your life with out allowing others to rent negative space.
…………………………………..Until Next Time………………………….