Fighting for HOPE

Chloe having breakfast in our Fla Home

Chloe having breakfast in our Fla Home

It’s a wonderful feeling to start over. I got up, made a small coffee, Gluten Free Pancakes and admired my home. I am in love with my house, my community and all the work that has gone into making this dream come true. I mean, how does an orphan who lives in poverty manage to get a house of her own? I smile as I remember it wasn’t always a struggle and now we wont have to struggle anymore as we have opportunities that we have not had for years. We fell, now our knees are wiped and we are ready to build again.

 

My daughter is in peace sitting on the coach watching her drawing videos and Bella is sitting at my feet hoping Ill drop some turkey bacon her way. Today is a day that Chloe and I have spent years dreaming of. A day of normalcy. A day where we can choose to do nothing and really mean it. Today is a bum around the house and Dream of something inspirational and we can do that in the safety of our own home. We no longer have drunk drug addicts images-2stomping on the floor nor do we currently run the risk of having someone drive by to see what we are doing and who we may be doing it with. We are home, safe and FREE.I am in pure amazement of having a stove again, of working again and of saving our home from foreclosure. As most of you who have followed me over the years know that once the New Hampshire District Court Denied our relocation, we lost EVERYTHING. The Judge cared not of the consequence of his decision, only that he was able to force a political agenda on us and we have paid the price dearly for his gain in power. We lost our income and that cost us a lot. We did not have a stove for almost a year as I could not afford the Gas to run it. I worked at restaurants and most days walked out with 34$ in tips after a double because the foot traffic was null. The economy is in a dive in 10394556_880355345327815_7943163949237164392_nNew Hampshire and there are more people than fair paying jobs. The senators and legislators do not return calls and most folks don’t feel like trying to fight for a better State anymore. The poverty levels in New Hampshire have tripled in the last few years and community resources are slim. Low income housing is at an average of 1200$ a month in most areas and Section 8 is at a 5 year waiting list. The homeless shelters are on a year waiting list and there is not talk in public about helping the state of the economy there. I applied to anything that had a pulse and was often the 2nd choice and number 45 in line of applicants. Our poverty was outrageous and it was all because my ex refuses to Co parent that we lost our rights to relocate to have a decent life.

AND I mean we lost everything.

It’s been a very tough last 2 years and I have had a lot of hurt, disappointment and frankly have had to deal with anger for the first time in a super long time. Details are outlined in my upcoming book “In Pride & Prejudice: A Relocation Nightmare” and I know you are all tired of hearing that it is going to be released soon BUT I still have lawyers and editors going through it to ensure I am SAFE. As you all know, I have limited family and those who Our Florida Homeclaimed to be family turned their backs on both of us. A lesson learned and was taught by someone who claims to be in a higher spiritual place of unconditional conditions. Granted, I am not at all surprised at this person’s apathy but am sad to know that once again, I fell for that feeling of security, only to be robbed of it again. I have learned that trusting is a hard job and in my life, I have trusted and been hurt too many times to count. I have been told by the very people I admired how many faults I have and how worthless I am. I have been lied to more than I understand and have been cheated on. I have offered loyalty to those unworthy and have been denied unconditional love.

                                  Yet, I still have HOPE. Call me crazy…..

I know my ex was proud of learning how much he hurt us and I know that in his mind, I will never hurt as much as 12rg96he does so he has to continue to make things hard on us. He has even attempted to charge me with “Parental Kidnapping”, after speaking to Chloe and hearing how she is very happy here. She has made it clear that she doesn’t want to go back but he will not stop until he wins and there is nothing we can do about it. So, in that stress and fear we have to keep it at a day at a time and enjoy the moments that we can. Each moment and each morning of being blessed and of living in our home is our time to fill our thoughts and words with Gratitude. We are learning to focus on what we CAN do and brush off the things that we have no control over.

Today, I can say without a doubt how much I am feeling like I am walking on the clouds. At least for today.  In one week of looking for work, I had 9 interviews and 5 offers. I have stopped actively looking but I sent out so many Divorceresumes that there is still a consistent trickling interest in interview’s.  Chloe and I are grateful to our community in Florida for all the support in helping us get back on our feet and I am working at getting our home out of the Foreclosure process. I am working fulltime and Chloe is in LOVE with her school. She is now in 6th and she has a full schedule but she is doing very well, grade wise. There is something to be said for having stability and that is what we have here. We do not in NH. The community here is welcoming, helpful and very artistic which is a HUGE win for us. She has been granted 3 scholarships to a local art center which whole heartily supports her desire to be an artist.

We have HOPE.

We have HOPE!!!!

We are grateful to those who turned their backs on us when we needed them the most. It strengthened my resolve. I rebuilding-your-lifeam also very aware that our fight isn’t over but we are in a good place to at least take this time to rest. A much needed activity as we have been on edge and fighting just to survive for 2.5 years and to no avail in New Hampshire. At least here, we have opportunities, housing and support. I do miss hiking and Taco Tuesdays with my friends but I don’t miss the worry and the fear that penetrates throughout that area as jobs are scarce and housing is unreasonable. I have spent almost three years crying in the shower and doing all that I can to make a stable life for us in New Hampshire.

Only to get my ass kicked each and every turn.

The stress alone has added years to me and the fear has kept me from having an open heart. The hope to find a GOOD lawyer is still in our hearts as I can not fight this alone and LARC cant seem to help. They call once at random times and are very hard to get a hold of. Overwhelmed? Maybe.

That’s the PAST and now moving forward……………….

I share our story with you as I know one day you will need a swift kick in the ass too. Sometimes, when you see, hear and feel someone else’s story, it inspires you to do better, to keep fighting or to simply change your ways. If my sharing offends you, good. I am glad, as I know that even if you read this insure disgust, you are challenged to think about your own life and in that I am grateful.thank you

I also want to say that I am grateful to all of you that pitched in to bring us a slice of normalcy in our fight to live a better life. The post cards, art supplies and gift cards have gone a long way in helping us feel human again. Its felt like the fight has been Chloe and I against the world and we have had to fight it alone. However, you all have made the last month amazing.

THANK YOU.

A little bit of our faith in humanity has been renewed and I am looking forward to getting back on our feet so that I can begin to pay it forward.

Onward we go to fighting for a better life.

Until Next time…………………………

Dont forget to Check out my interview with Tony D’urso here by clicking the link!!

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