Yes, I finally surrendered. I am over the whole idea that I need to be approve by, validated by or even loved by you. I have said ENOUGH and I have begged God to take this suffering from me. I can bare this pain NO more. I can not feel the BURNs from this river of anger inside me. I can no longer bare this constant fight to move forward only to fall 100 feet back.
Oh, yes I am fucking done. I am over feeling broken, cheated, jaded, hated and never needed. Oh yes, I am done respecting a judicial system that fails those it is designed to protect. I am done wanting things to be better, to get better and that ARE better. I no longer want better. I don’t want what YOU want for me either.
I want to just BE.
I am all done with your inability to live free of judgments, condemnation and control. I am done with this fear based thinking and that the stupid choices I made because I listened. I listen to you like a bad record playing over and over under a busy rail road track. The noise filled my head and caused panic, pain and bad judgments,
I give UP.
I let go.
I am all set.
I am no longer angry or sad. I am clean of emotions. I am empty of feelings for you. You are a lesson that I had to learn. Ironically, you have been my best gift. You were my teacher, tormentor and Sabatier. Thank you for helping to
Give the Fuck Up.
Thank you for helping let go. Freeing myself of your insanity and please understand how I DONT feel as I release all the garbage I have lugged around all of these years. My arms are raised and open to the Universe.
Please suck me up
Please suck me away
Please take me now as I no longer have the energy or strength to keep fighting you. My arms are heavy from carrying this weight and my legs are stinging from all the times I have gotten back up. My back is crooked from the heavy sorrow of my tears. I am weighted down by all of this tragedy. This moment has come to the END.
I am just tired.
This is not to be misunderstood as a plea for help. This, my dear, is my strength in FULL BLOOM. This is my inner warrior rising, shedding the OLD and Growing the NEW. This is ME walking away from your incompetence. The Universe has big plans for me and YOU are not coming for the ride. Thank YOU for giving me the lessons I needed to see my self worth. I am far more valuable than I had ever thought with out your teachings. Thank you for showing me to stand up and take it.
To know it.
To hate it.
To Forgive it.
You helped shape who I am and what I will become in this world.
Until NEXT TIME…..