I am so thrilled to have one of the books I co-authored in my very own trembling hands. I have tears, the blood is rushing through my veins, my heart is racing and fear based thinking starts to enter my mind and acts like a swarm of angry killer bees circling around this joyous moment.
I sit here trembling in excitement, fear, joy, honor and anticipation as to what I have done and where this will lead. There are always doors, as life is a labyrinth. The wise understand that each step and each opening offers a new set of rules, guidelines and circumstances.
Will others see what I say and understand the feelings? Will the reader embrace the messages bound in the pages of loving surrender? Where are these books going to end up? Will I be judged poorly? Did I submit my absolutely best work? Did I spell check it?
I cannot go back to change what has been done. There are thousands of people if not millions who know this book is out there…
……that all of these books are in route…
…….one by one…
….each new month another new creation arrives….
……… in my hands and yours and theirs.
I sit with my first finished product and indulge in the beauty of the cover, the softness of the paper and the words that have captivated me as well as hundreds of others from all over the world and I say to myself, “You did it. You have arrived to the Harvest.”
That simple chapter in the first book I am part of hugged me. Flipping through and reading each chapter over and over again offered me a glimpse of what could be. It showed me that it was all going to be ok. That we, Chloe and I are getting there. That WE are ok.
As a child and most of my marriage I was reminded often how I didn’t matter, how I was never going to be or do anything. I was abandoned a few times and as an adult, left again. I had a Failed toxic marriage but gained a terrific kid.
I was too fat..
Too much makeup…..
Too much skin……
Too Hippie. ….
Too loud of a talker..
……….and yet never enough….
To this day, I still get nasty comments of how much of a failure my ex deems me to be and he now has begun to threaten to sue me for my books. But the funny thing is as I turn these pages over and over again and look at all that I was able to accomplish in the last 4 years…SINCE my divorce……”they” were all were right for one moment, about something.
I am TOO MUCH…… for them.
I am, however, just right for me and that is as it should be. So, if you ever condemn someone for being too much….know who they may be blossoming into. Take a step back and see that they, too are going through this labyrinth in life and finding their way. Too much? There is no such thing as being too much. You are beautiful and a human like the rest of us. If anyone can help you learn how to walk through pain, I surely can and I ll tell you honey, its GOOD to be TOO MUCH.
Until Next time…..