I finally left my ex in Jan 2011. This was something that I had wanted to do for a super long time, as my marriage was more of a war zone then a place of comfort. However, I had just had Chloe and wanted her to spend her first 5 years in her father’s life, consistently. Child Hood Development states that this is the bonding time and for me that seemed likethe right thing to do. But the environment became impossible and we left when she was 4.
I had a dream of solely Coaching, Speaking and training companies around the world. This is my love. As you see, I am making strides to grow my dream and make it come true. In order to make this dream come true I needed to have the ability to learn about myself. Who I really am, not as the mother or Wife or Orphan or RedHead. Or at least, I needed to understand that this life change was exactly what offered me the opportunity to recreate myself. Life Change is sometimes willing and offered unwilling but always inevitable. People go through Divorces, Deaths, Job changes, Illness, Empty Nest issues, and more. So, the recreation process happens more then we seemingly talk about.
I was able to recreate who I am. I needed to learn what I wanted and what I want. I also had to inspire the very change in myself that I needed to push forward in order to pursue my dreams. I needed to understand the steps it will take, the challenges, the love for it, the desire for it and the hard work that goes into this process. It wasn’t easy. It wasn’t free and being a business owner requires that I am constantly looking for new contracts to keep my people employed. (So Keep sending them our way!! ) Frankly, the last few years have been scary, exciting, tearful, adventurous, loving and in time rewarding.
I was a sweet 20 when we first started to date. So, spending the majority of my early adult hood in a deeply controlling relationship was a reality that I had to face. I needed to learn what it was to be on my own and a single parent. I needed to rely on myself and develop self confidence. I have grown in ways I never expected and challenged myself in ways I never thought I could go. However, it was very clear that I had to get over some of my grief and re learn who I am as an individual. I had spent so many years, day in and day out of being Wife/Mother that I was rarely offered the opportunity to be Rustie. When I left, I automatically lost 40 lbs and it was like it melted off. Stress was a thing of the past. At least I thought. But I was learning Who a Rustie is. And I was able to dig deep inside myself to learn the truths of who I am and will be. I did pull out some of my famous skeletons and sit with them to learn what I was to do with the next half of my life. This inspired my Book that is almost finished, “Having tea with my Skeletons”, my lifes journey of transformation and Change.
The process is much like an emotional rebirth and can intermingle with the stages of Grieving. I left a 14 year relationship and was now the free independent person I was prior to the marriage. BUT I was a 34-year-old divorcee with a Child. This was much Different then before the relationship. I began to realize there was no longer a “WE” in my conversations out side of the WE meaning Chloe and I. That in it self was very freeing. BUT what did that actually mean? Who am I without the additional person and the responsibilities that went with that role? Do I really like Tuna Noodle Casserole or was that a WE thing? What did I forgo to be in this relationship all of those years? Who am I without that extra energy? So many question to ask yourself in the beginning.
I had to gain a new sense of confidence, strengthen mycore beliefs and understand that failure is OK. It’s a stepping-stone to success. So, in the last few years I have stepped up my coaching work, the radio show and all the things I am doing now to assist with the re creation of myself. This is the Birthing of the Rustie that was in a spiritual Utero for the first half of my life. The lessons I had to experience offered me insights to life like no other. This life up to now; has offered me lessons that I feel I have mastered. And there are several more I am learning again as I didn’t ace those exams. BUT what I can say? This is the process of recreating the self and it is long, tedious at times, joyous at others and well needed to fully expand the “who” you are truly meant to be.
I want to leave you with some questions as you begin your metamorphism of self.
- WHO are you really?
- WHAT do you see yourself doing?
- How much do you like this New You?
- Are you really READY to feel the pains, aches and joys of Recreation?
- Can you strongly make a commitment to this change?
- Are you prepared for the unexpected?
So when you sit down and really look at your self in your own eyes and SEE who you are really; then you can begin to unravel yourself. All the personal stories and thinking that has prevented you, served you and protected you from becoming this Person can be acknowledge now. They were important then but no longer now. Its not an over night process and the cocoon may takes years for you to break out of. So, patients, desire and will are the keys to making this time beneficial.
Please know that no matter what your need is to recreate yourself, Divorce, Death, Empty Nest, Loss of Job, you CAN do this. And if you are reading this, you know that there people and resources to help you get through your change. So, hug yourself tightly and know that we are all going through something and recreating something in our lives. You are really not alone and when you break through your cocoon, your light will shine so bright. And that in itself it the largest reward for all that hard work!
Until next time…….