The Eye of the Storm- A Harsh View

As I sit here watching Irma and Jose race to see who will hit us first, I wonder how many other folks in my life really understand the value of this perspective. I wonder if those of us who have been through many natural disasters are feeling. I am personally numb to all of this. My coffee is warm, the dog is having a puppy dream, Chloe is happily sleeping in late and well, this is all too tragic. My landlord wants rent, my car is overdue by 2 payments AND I am going to miss more work now. Thanks, Irma. WTF? Really?

In the world there have been 10 lives lost, 2 islands destroyed and this bitch is heading right down the center of my home state. Bitch! Chill man.  The Panic and fear are evident. Any and every social media outlet is swarming with a variety of “insights“. My twitter feed is filling up with comments like Its time to Repent” and “God is punishing the Gays”. Ignorance and some tweets are not so ignorant. The news keeps us abreast with as much as they know. Aside from my personal storm with my Ex who continues to stir the shit up, my views on this storm is no different than the Ice Storm I lived through in Vermont or the one I lived through in Maine. All of the many blizzards up north and the hurricanes as a child.  Power outage, after power outage. Either freezing in New England or wet in the south.

Nature happens and at times she can certainly be a bitch about it.

No matter where we go, there will be a storm and currently, no matter what direction we drive we will be put in more danger than staying safe here, hunkered down. We currently do not have evacuation orders so to me that’s a good sign. No matter what state, there will be a disaster of some sort at some time. Nature doesn’t discriminate like people do.  It’s an unbelievable hard call to make. My ex-continues to finically abuse us and we are without the means to fly out of here because I am behind on my bills due to all the legal issues I have to deal with. We may be able to drive about 30 minute’s North but that puts us into the eye of the storm.

Will I ever catch a break? Will PCH FINALLY show up and hand me that damn check that they keep saying I am SOOO close to getting if I just hit SEARCH one more time? I have the same worries as everyone else in this country. Or at least those of us who are the majority. Chloe and have worked SO hard to get out of harm’s way, only to end up in it again. I truly give up. I am only one person raising a truly amazing kid in a really messed up world. I want love, hugs, laughter, prosperity, peace and to watch my kid grow to be the famous Artist I know she is destined to be. But we keep getting our ass’s kicked by life’s storms. Relentlessly trying to make it out of the gutter and back on to dry land.

Ah, God. You have jokes and this one isn’t funny. Really! 

I have dealt with the “eye of the Storm” for way too long now. I grew up in a very toxic household, married into a very toxic family and have taken the brunt of these tragedies. 7 years divorced and the man still wants me to pay his bills according to the court hearing yesterday. Tragic. I have lost two children and have battled the early stages of cervical cancer most of my adult life. I have dealt with abuse, severe poverty, homelessness, stalking and most recently been falsely accused of a crime I did not commit. I could go on but that would be a book spoiler.  My daughter and I have lost more than you can imagine. The State of New Hampshire’s Family court has caused irreversible damage with their inability to STOP my ex and his lawyers shit. There is nothing that we can do about that. Just like there is nothing we can do about this storm and the pending loss of what little we have managed to regain. I have to accept that we will once again lose our personal items and pray that is all we lose.

Folks are dealingout  a lot of criticism and handing out a lot of “know it all” attitudes right now. Folks in the stores are acting greedy as if they are the only ones that need supplies. The highways are jam packed and moving super slow. This all in hopes to beat a hurricane that is currently cruising at 165 mph. But these cars are only able to push 40 mph. Irma wins that race and if Jose grows fast enough, he will too. The fear is so thick the air lacks oxygen and as much as we love to play “make a guess” as to what will happen, no one will know until after the fact. The largest concern should be the storm surges. Folks are being cruel with their words and instead of being supportive, they are making accusations of others. I watch carefully as I see people screaming at the TV claiming that “those idiots should have fled. “As if those folks on high and dry land know what we are dealing with. Have you walked in our shoes? Does everyone have the same finical ability that you do?

Probably not but you certainly are an expert, huh? And screaming at a TV your “expert opinion” is super NOT helpful. How about you sit down, shut the fuck up and maybe think about what extras you have in your house that you can donate to those folks that have a real need? Or better yet, why dont you go to that area and start helping with clean up? That would be far more useful than your screaming at a TV. Also, less embarrassing to those sitting around you.

I mean if you want to donate some air fare, we would be more than happy to take it.

As I tell everyone, kindness, and support are much more valuable than negativity and demands. As much as I appreciate everyone telling me the airlines that are offering AWESOME air deals, I simply don’t have the money. We are recovering from my expensive, exhausting custody battle as my ex’s priorities are to make our lives difficult. As much as I appreciate the hundreds of private messages, facebook messages, texts, and calls telling me what I am to do, I am the one in the hot seat having to make a very difficult choice. I with millions of others who are considered living in Poverty. It’s a real issue and the largest emotions I can muster is a sick feeling in the pit of my stomach. That feeling is stemming from the knowledge that the homeless will be the worst hit. They will have the hardest time. They will be Damned for sure. I can’t do anything about it. Yes, I know you- TV screaming smarty pants- that there are shelters. At this point- FULL.


I also know that a large majority of homeless have mental health issues and can not “survive” in a shelter. My heart goes out to them as we really won’t know how many have suffered as we don’t know our homeless. Get it? 

In that, I want everyone to know that I love you all. Even those who have done nothing but hurt us. I have survived a very long life so far and will prevail here too. God simply isn’t ready for my eye rolling & smart mouth. If you want to help, go through your personal effects and what you don’t use, box up and get ready to send to Florida.

Extra sheets, pillows, curtains, clothes, dishes, gift cards…….shoes.

This state is going to need all of that pretty badly. We also will need a lot of love. So send cards to us. Send light and prayers. It may be a long recovery afterward and instead of screaming at your TV or thinking God is punishing us….be productive.

Be Proactive.

If you call yourself Christian, be Christian.

If you call yourself a Friend, be a friend.

If you ever want to know what its like and what we have to deal with, ASK questions. I know personally, I have  3 folks that constantly ASSUME they know me, my needs, my goals, my dreams and my actions. They don’t ask they sit and assume and JUDGE. Very unproductive.


Lend a hand.

Be compassionate. As you will see when this storm is over, life is FAR too short to remain an asshole.

Get up. Get nice. Start helping.


Until next time……………

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