There once was a little girl who had a terrible and unloving home. She was different then the rest on so many levels as she actually LOVED and those around her seemed not too. However, she was forced to live in her mind. She attended a number of schools and was never able to settle. She was never able to learn how to develop friendships or relation’s that offered a typical long term worth. She was taught to be short term. To love but in secret and never to show fear, pain or weakness as someone will take advantage. Her life consisted of moving, abuse and poverty. She was unable to learn anything more then fear, regret or guilt. She had stars in her eyes but that was the way she coped in order to survive. As an adult she has understood there are no regrets, life deals your deck and you choose how to play your cards or be the direct prodigy of the suffering you felt.
She was unable to learn love, trust or safety. Her life was Chaos and she was considered cold. Not in a way that couldn’t offer a distant love. But a distant love is all that she ends up offering. She was born with a guarded and fractured heart. She can save your life, honor you, do anything she CAN but she will never, ever trust you. She is of a unique culture of people who are known to be better warriors then wives. She is able to provide but not get close. Its not in her. She was never taught. She was taught pain. She was taught suffering. She was taught betrayal. She was taught that no matter what, there are hidden expectations and those who feel they are downtrodden will take advantage of the weak. She was strong and will ensure that justice is served. Even if that means she has to let go all of what means the most to her.
The Warrior Child. Loving and yet HARD. Strong and yet suffers so deeply in the world she wishes she could live and yet knows it can never be. The story’s that are told from lessons learned and those to tell from lessons to come. The Warrior Child. There was blood figuratively and literally. There was pain, physical mental and Emotional. There was terror and sleepless night. There was a time in which food was something that was scarce and that those around offered nothing but self driven, heartless gestures. They wanted their self preservations. Warrior Child was nothing more then the lamb to be sacrificed if needed. If time came to that point. Mother, Father or Husband would have pushed the Warrior child in front of a moving train to save themselves. At some point. At some moment.
Warrior child learned to stand up for herself in so many WRONG ways. And yet so many right ways. She was able to catch things quickly, her tongue was sharp like a lizard and the fly was never as fast. She had amazing abilities to find justice in black and white and yet want so desperately to live in the grey. He desire to love with out the fear of betrayal was 90 % of her dreams. However she knew. She knew it wasn’t possible. She knew as she knew GOD was real. She knew that LOVE is what it is and other peoples choices are what they are. She was well aware and knew that she had no control over other peoples choices. She knew that even if she were to beat them, they would still choose as God wanted them too. Or maybe they wanted too with God permission. (That is a chicken and Egg Situation,)
The Warrior child wonders, tries to connect but fails in long-term secret and hidden expectations. She doesn’t see what “normal” people require. She just has a basic understanding if you need something you ask and if you don’t you fail. If you don’t ask but have a fit that no one came to help, well then you are a manipulator. If you think that someone has a power to read your mind and needs, then you are crazy. And this kind of crazy will always be unhappy.
Can a person be oppressed or able to offer some deniability to their own infraction. Is it possible that we can, indeed play a naïve role but be wise to the role we are playing? Is that a form of manipulation?
I recently thought of all of the war and all of the pain in this world and how the children must be evolving. Similar to my personal story and that is where “warrior child” was born. Warrior Child is the child in all of us who has had to sacrifice some part of the human experience to survive. What Warrior Child lies with in you? What has this part of you done to help you be a better Human? ………. To be Continued…….