What is it about you?

breaking_bad___walter_white___fear___by_mangekyou_eyes-d5chr9yfear  ˈfir/     noun1.

  1. an unpleasant emotion caused by the belief that someone or something is dangerous, likely to cause pain, or a threat.

    “drivers are threatening to quit their jobs in fear after a cabby’s murder”

    synonyms: terror, fright, fearfulness, horror, alarm, panic, agitation, trepidation, dread,consternation, dismay, distress;

    what is it about fear?Fear-Quotes-64 I just dont understand it. I was recently enticed to try again with my ex and of course he did what he always does and he berated me, demeaned me and informed me that what I did (which is exactly what he asked for)was “shitty” and he reminded me how he “isn’t a bad man but cannot wait to wash his hands of me. ”

    FEAR. 

    What is it about me that strikes such a cord after 5 years of divorce? I have admitted I am not the best wife, or girlfriend. I am insecure, over achieving, failure, lover, maverick and in some respects I dont CARE about other peoples opinions. I continue to try, only to be beaten down by him. I suppose it feels good and he enjoys it. He lives for his fear and his hatred.

    In the end he will loose, because of his ……………..

    Fear. 

    What is it about people making assumptions? I was recently told by a manager that I act as though I don’t care. Me? I am confident that I do and am very aware that at times, I am deeply caught up in my thinking as I have a lot going on, but the mere assumption versus asking for facts all comes from ………fear_false_evidence_appearing_real

    FEAR. 

    In some respects, I don’t think I do care about petty little things, drama or attitudes. I am stoic at times and find that having a business professional attitude is all that there needs to be. I don’t want to get into petty little dramas and silly arguments over assumptions and fear. I don’t care who slept with who or why someone didn’t do their side work. I don’t give a banana who smokes weed and where the party is for the night. Frankly, the work  needs to get done, so do it. I am not one to complain or bitch as it has yet to serve any valuable purpose. So, if that means I don’t Care, yes, I guess this person is right. I don’t want to live in …….

    FEAR. 

I know that eventually I will get to a level of maturity that this stuff wont seem so relevant anymore. As I get older, I am getting better at not ALWAYS feeling side swiped by demeaning comments and assumptions. However, I have yet to perfect not taking it personally. Yesterday was a painful day as every time I turned around, 2 different folks reminded me how I was not Good Enough. I was “shitty” and a failure to them. I know I have nothing to do with their attitudes. I am just the person that’s easily beat up on clearly because I allow it. I cant imagine why I am “That PERSON” to them.

But its clear that I somehow trigger FEAR in them. 3cead13

I do say however, that I QUIT.

I QUIT being the post in which they beat on. I am a good person, who has risen up out of the trenches and will continue to rise and if that SCARES you or THEM, oh well. I am NOT changing who I am nor am I going to allow your FEARs, ruin…

my day.

My life.

My emotions.

Time is a tricky concept that we developed to organize living. In that, it is only a matter of time before those who live in fear, realize that they are wasting their time. TIME is valuable, runs either too fast or too slow depending on the moment and will always seem to TAKE from you when you least expect it. So, living in FEAR only encourages the LOSS of time. I do say that it is a HARD battle but I will win it and I wont fear YOU anymore and I wont ALLOW you to continue to waste my valuable time.

WHY? Because I love me and need to take better care of myself for me.images

For my daughter.

For my Friends and Family.

So THANK you both for testing my resolve yesterday. Thank you for allowing me to feel hurt and realize that the hurt I was feeling was out of my own FEAR of unworthiness, which HAS NOTHING to do with you. Its something I need to adjust in myself and to learn how to LOVE myself fully.

So, “bu bye” FEAR. You gots to Go now……

Until Next time……………………..Amore di Mona logo

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