I am pondering Sexuality, #Sexual, #Single #Mother, #Love, #Lover and #Loving #selflove, #selfRespect and #sexy. #Vixen? #Naughty #Librarian? #soccerMom? Whats your Sexual Identity? How do you relate to others and how are you confident about your sexy nature? Are you confident in your body? Do you complain about your looks?
I have had, for many years, body image issues. I was too curvy or too skinny. My ex often reminded me how I had “gotten Fat” and I felt shame. I did model until I was 23 when I was told I was too old and getting too fat to continue. I am 5’11 and at that time 124LBS. You could play piano on my ribs I was so thin. I have uneven breasts and the thickest thighs from soccer playing. I had no butt for some time and now have a bubble butt. I have huge eyes, lips and broad shoulders. I am super strong and yet I am a sexy graceful, woman. I have, since my divorce, learned more about my sexuality, grace, desires and I really am learning to love myself, which in turn allows me to love my body.
When I left my ex, I dropped 44Lbs with in a month! Then I was ostracized for being too skinny. People accused me of being deathly ill and hiding it. One friend asked if I had started to use drugs. I was 132 LBs and with a 5’11 frame…I ended up as a size 4. BUT the point was, I can not seem to weigh enough to make everyone happy.
I can say that this process is hard at least from my perspective. I think women have higher pressures and more standards to live by. For example, I have a male friend who wants a women to have a thin and athletic body and he is very clear about this. However, he eats a lot and is less then athletic himself. As far as I can see, males have less standards and pressures to be fit, firm and well…”even” then we do. The majority of plastic surgery advertisements are driven towards women. The Visuals used in these advertisements are very young females. We are inundated with ads, models, celebrities, photos, and companies that cater to the super thin. We are shown so many “diets, fads and pills” to make our bodies BETTER. So, in this overwhelming media driven society, we have higher obesity (emotional eating) and over all food disorders then most of the world. We are pretty obsessed with the Cross Fit, P90X, Diet Slim Pill, Saran Wrapping our thighs, Starving ourselves, Eating a bite here and there, replacement meals that are chemically based and juicing that we have lost so much control over reality that we can not see what an abusive relationship this is with ourselves.
There. I said it! Yes, we are jerks to ourselves.
Ok, so we all know that what other people say don’t matter but when the world seems to be this angry swarm of your “just not good enough” and eat this or don’t do that and moderation and excess and taller or shorter…GRRR!
Yes, I will do just as I am!
I am STUNNING!
Why because I learned that what I say is what really matters What I FEEL about myself, really matters. Ok, so my new non smoking and running everyday body has been a learning curve. The psychological changes are clear. This new body is very foreign to me. I am no longer a size 4. I went from 138LBs to 165. EEK! BUT I have some killer calves…yay baby. SHARP edges…
I do have breasts that I think could have held up the Titanic (I have actually only had breasts once and that was when I was pregnant) they are HUGE. I am debating on taking an additional insurance policy out on these ladies. Lordy. Maybe applying for their own zip codes? I am also willing to donate as I really don’t know how to enjoy them. I am learning to accept them as part of me. I am learning to accept my Soccer thighs as there is nothing short of high pressured vacuums that is gonna shrink those babies. The more I run, the more cut I become but those thighs…well….they are nothing but good ol’ solid loving. Don’t leg wrestle me as I can tell you, you will loose.
But the real question is, what do I feel about my new body NOW. Do I have sex in the light like I used too or in a field after a terrific picnic? Am I just as loving to my body and enjoying every tingly sensation it provided then, now? No. I have to say, its awkward. I am more curvy then I have been in a long time and my confidence of who I am is still there BUT I feel like this body is completely new to me. Because, it is. I am seeing my new shape with my new eyes. So, I am learning to indulge in my sexually beautiful ways. I am a passionate, hungry women with a big appetite. My body, for now is a little extra. So, who can I look towards for confidence and role modeling of my curvey-licious self?
Marilyn Monroe, Beyonce`, Queen Latifah, Angie Everhart and soooo many more. This list came to mind first. BUT they love their curves and are sexy as hell. They carry themselves with such self love that I think it makes them even sexier. So, learning about my new body, how it feels, how my body looks to me and how I can move it is now my only concern. I am still very much the vixen I was at a size 4 but now I have breasts and that is a new addition to the world of being a sexual beauty amongst a world of confused and torn souls.
I want to set another example of how HOT a women can truly be, if they only love themselves enough to see how they carry themselves, act and how they speak weighs more in the end then the size of their….shoes. Yes, lets go with shoes. What woman doesn’t love a sexy pair of shoes? We all know that we can “own” the room. Its the confidence that allows us to be the Vixen, Goddess or what ever you deem yourself. Its time to tune into being a Women. A Goddess. A Delicious, head turning, heart pounding beauty. I know you got it in you.
So, to make it sweet and short. Love your sexy rawness. Love your flaws, uneven skin, birth marks, body, stretch marks, love to touch your body in a gentle and loving way. (Please know that if someone wants to be negative or hurt you in any way…you have the choice to leave him or her. They are not right for you. )I don’t want to see any more Torn Souls or Confused girls trying to be something they are not. I don’t want to see the sadness with little girls who feel they can not be some image that was master minded by a company who wants to generate revenue on some crazy short term product.
You are HOT stuff!
Please, take a nice hot tubby with bubbles, slowly wash yourself, shave your legs with grace, listen to your favorite tune-age, talk to every inch of you, caress and be gentle with this fabulous body. Frankly, its all you got and at times it seems to call the shots. However, its beauty and you’re the owner. Love it, Take care of it. Enjoy it……